Heartache.

Daddy, my kids re being beat down again. Pride, drama, unforgiveness. satan just won't leave with alone lately. Help them daddy. Don't let them give up. Lift their eyes to You, strengthen their hearts. Remind them of your love and sacrifice. Bring me to my knees for them every hour if that is what it takes. Oh my Father, my heart aches for them.

All My Longings Lie Open Before You.

Daddy,

My heart is being squeezed inside. They are all fading. My Christian brothers and sisters. They are discouraged and weakened and slowly seeming to become more and more okay with growing gradually Luke warm. No! It cannot happen! They are so distracted and in love with things that in the end do not matter. They chase after relationships and careers and recognition all the while disdaining the One who not only saved their souls but who lavishes them with love day after day. How can they pursue other things Lord? What else could possible matter? Ignite them with Your passion and Your longings Daddy! Consume them with Your fire! Align their lives with Your great ans wonderful plan and purpose! Do not let them stray! Oh Daddy, my heart aches for them. Do not let them stray.

Close To Home.

Daddy,
It seems the people that place the biggest ache on my heart are my family. Kirk and Jackie need you. I look at my brother whom I adore and admire and see the anger under the surface and the raw need in his eyes. I look at sweet Jackie who is so beautiful and so impressionable and see the discontent and the longing for pure, unconditional love. How to meet these needs? Time is so short. In 6 short months Kirk will be headed off to training for Korea and Jackie to her family in Nevada. So little time. You have radically changed my life these past couple of years. That radical love you gave me begs for radical obedience to follow. Please, help me to have that radical obedience. others had, the courage to obey you and shared the Gospel with me. Where would I be if they had let fear overshadow the call you placed in their lives? Give me radical devotion to you Father. I cannot bear to give you less.

Your Living Martyr

New Loves.

Dad,

What, oh what, do I do? These girls are such a blessing to me. They are beautiful and intelligent and sweet. There is so much I want to teach them. There is so much I want to learn about them. Where to start? I want everything that they see in me or hear from me to be straight from you. Every word must be yours or it is worthless. Help me to cast off the sin that entangles me. Help me to remember them in prayer daily. Help me to live what I preach. Help me to love like you love. Without you, I am nothing. Without you, I have nothing to give. Help me God.

Overload.

I feel like in Bruce Almighty when he gets all of the prayer request emails. I am overwhelmed by the needs of others. I know we are supposed to bear each others burdens and petition for the other saints, but how does one do this without getting overwhelmed? I want to lift up my brothers and sisters but how do I do this consistently without being weighed down?

I Lift It Up to You.

Daddy,

One of my very, very dear friends is hurting right now. She has a friend that she cares for a lot and her parents and other friends do not like him because he is not white. Quiet her heart daddy because I cannot. You know if he is who you chose for her and if he is than all things are possible by You. Give her patience in waiting, respect for her family, and trust in You through all of this. Help me to be a good friend and to keep her and her friend in my prayers. Thank you for her Daddy. She is such a good friend to me. Help her please.

Your daughter

Little Heartbeats.

Oh Daddy,

satan is hitting my little ones hard lately. Relationships, family, heartaches, hurts, disappointments, sin. You name it, he is trying it. Protect them Daddy, not from things hitting them because everything has the potential for growth or good, but protect them from backing down. They are warriors! Help them to stand and withstand. Help them to be bold and courageous! Help them to remember to pray. Never let them forget your power and grace. Never let them forget the way to the foot of the cross. And keep them on my mind and in my heart constantly so that i can lift them up in prayer. These are my little heartbeats. These are Your children.

Love, Me

Not the Usual.

This are usually letters to God on behalf of fellow saints, but tonight is a little different.


Dear Satan.

Back off! I read Revelation: WE WIN. And not only are you going to lose the war, i refuse to let you win these battles either. You will not destroy me, my youth, my friends, or my family. I will bow on my knees petitioning for my loves day and night if i have to. My God is mighty. My God is all powerful. My God is ALL GOOD. My God is holy, holy, holy. And we will stand. And we will fight. I hope you're ready.

The Most Beautiful Sound.

I know this is typically something i would write in my Year of Thanks blog, but i want to share it here because i want to tell God all about tonight. I know He was there, but i want Him to hear how it felt to me.


Dad,
First off, wow. Tonight was incredible. It started off so typical; music, chit chat, laughter, giggles from girls to guys and then worship and BAM. Kids started trickling to the altar, sometimes in ones, sometimes clusters. They were holding each other, praying together, confessing sins, sharing life. It was incredible. Next thing you know, Chad's wife Kim is down on her face, weeping over her dad being in the hospital. That was so cool to me because i think as we get to be adults we can forget that we need to be on our knees too. We forget that we need you. We just plain forget. I got to pray with several kids as well as just wrap my arms around them, singing softly, praying or just holding them. It was such a precious night.
I was thinking God how pain can be so hard to accept sometimes, but tonight seeing broken hearts, faces on the ground pouring out hurt and petitioning for others, i can't help, but feel the pain is worth it. Because without the pain, sorrow, and hurt, we could never experience healing, grace, and peace surpassing understanding. I can't speak for others, but i wouldn't trade such grace and undeserved forgiveness for anything. The pain is nothing compared to that.

Kay.

Daddy,

Kayla said in her blog that she is tired and she seemed down last night when we were hanging out with Katie. Will you please lift this weight off of her heart? Will you whisper that you love her in her ear until she recognizes your voice? She is a sweet friend of mine and my heart ached after reading her blog and feeling such a weight of heaviness. You know what she needs far more than i do. Provide if please, daddy and show me anything i can do.

-Me

Weight.

Daddy,

I am overwhelmed by desires and burdens and needs of others. You created these desires in me and have laid these burdens on my heart. Help me not only carry them, but relieve this as i can. Please. Show me where to step next. The only light in my path is the light one step in front of me where you are. I have my hand out reaching for yours. Show me where to step next one step at a time. That is all i need. You are all i need. Don't leave me in the dark. I will go anywhere with you whether light or dark as long as you are with me. I have so many decisions to make and i refuse to make them without your direction. I am listening. Speak Daddy.

-Love, me

Just To Inform You.

Dear God,

I am angry at you right now.

-Me

Lost.

Daddy,

my heart is aching tonight. I have been hanging out with some new friends at the pool a lot lately and have blinded myself to their ignorance of You. How could i have done that? Tonight was a huge call out to me to step up how i present You to other people by how i live. I have to admit that lately i have been falling pitifully short. That will have to change. If others did not grow up in church like i did and even then it took me to decades to fully get You, then how am i supposed to think that they know anything about You? How i live and present You with my life might be the only glimpse of You they will every get. help me Daddy I am drowning here.

Move or be moved?

So lease runs up at the end of the summer God. What should i do? My rent is going up and is really getting into the not affordable range. Do you want me here or another apartment or somewhere else? I am happy wherever You are. Let me know so i can start taking those steps with You. Until then, my hand is in Yours and i am standing right by Your side and not leaving it. We saw what happens when i try to make my own plans.

Nick.

Daddy,


I have loved being able to talk more to Nick lately and be encouraged by him because he is always so upbeat and happy. But he needs some encouragement right now. His dad is home this weekend and he doesn't always so a good job of be encouraging or supportive of Nick. In fact, he can be the opposite and Nick is really down and discouraged by his dad's presence which is not how it should be. Will you please show Nick how percious he is to you this weekend God? And help him to look to you for support, affirmation and comfort because you are the giver of all of those things and the only true supplier. Help him to see his dad through new eyes. Help him to be loving even when his dad isn't being loving to him because Nick knows you God and has felt your love and presence and his dad hasn't. Show Nick what you see when you look at him, not only who he is now, but who you know he will be. Thank you for Nick God. He is such a greta friend and has always stuck with me even when i treated him badly and was not a good friend to him.


-Me

My Little Heartbeats.

Daddy,


there are so many young ones in the youth group that tug at my heart. Girls like Catherine, Ashley Nix, Maci, Maria, Ashley Forester...they are young and seem filled with broken hearts, and hurts and fear. I see a little of myself in each of them and it brings me joy and brings me to tears at once. I long to help them through this time because i longed for someone to help me through mine. I am just at a loss as to how to help them. I pray for them and i try to spend intentional time with them individually and as a group, especially picking out the girls who seem to need extra attention.
I love Catherine in particular. She has so muchness to her. So much passion and energy and excitement. She can overdo it sometimes but i love it about her. How often do we try to create that kind of passion in youth who are luke warm or complacent and here we go trying to water hers down. Why? It doesn't need to be diminished, only directed.
And Ashly, the polar opposite of Catherine. To get Ashley excited about anything is an accomplishment. She seems very sad all of the time, and there almsot seems to be an anger simmering underneath the surface. I feel like i do not even know where to begin to penetrate her heart. I know so little about anything that sets her heart on fire.
And Maci, adorable, lovable, passionate, talented, beautiful. She isn't passionless or misguided. She just seems uncomfortable with being a woman. Like she isn't quite sure if she is enough. She isn't angry like Ashley or overwhelming like Catherine. She is sweet and intelligent and hard to read. There is a quiet sadness about her i catch sometimes. She doesn't seemed controlled by it or overwhelmed. She just seems aware of her shortcomings and inadequcies. I want her to see that she is enough. That she is the apple of the creator's eye and adored. I don't think she feels that.
And then Ashley Forrester. She is quiet and meek and sweet. And sad. She always looks like she is afraid of something. Afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. She always seems very self-conscious and very unsure. Very afraid.
And then little Maria. She has the most beautiful smile. She is very sweet and compassionate. She also seems very afraid. She seems to feel awkward and not sure of her place anywhere. She doesn't hang off to the side or take center stage. She is just there. She always talks back to you but never begins a conversation. She participates without being completely involved. She seems to feel at a loss as to her place in the world.
These girls and there are so many more are the reason i show up every wednesday. I love the worship and the hang out time, but i go for them. I may not ever cross their minds but they are constantly on mine. I may never be in their dreams but they keep me awake at night wondering who they could be. i love them all dearly and pray for them because i believe in them.
Daddy, how in the world can i reach these girls with such vast and different needs and personalities? How can i get into their world and show them yours? What can i do for them? What do you want me to do for them? Help, please.

Best Friend.

Daddy, i know we talk a lot during the day but lately, i can't get enough of you. I need your help. I have a best friend. Her name is Kayla and i love her so dearly. We are in a tough spot right now and i know we are growing through this and if this is where you want us i submit myself to you, no questions asked. But if it is in your will Daddy could you please lay on our hearts what your will is about this so that we mutually agree. Whether it be her you have chosen for him or me or maybe neither. Please just whatever the answer be make is so completely, undeniably obvious to both of us so that we both know what your will is concerning this. Help us to both seek you whole heartedly in this and every part of our lives and unselfishly submit ourselves to you, trusting you even without answers. I love her dearl dad, Please help us to know your desires so that we can obey. I love you daddy. Thank you for transforming me.

Little Me.

*sigh* daddy where do i begin? I guess i could just think everything i am trying to put into words and you could read my thoughts but i really need to put this in writing. it's Jenny God. I have never met a girl who frustrates/exasperates/worries me as much as this girl and never have i loved another in the youth group like her either. I simply adore her. The potential she has makes me want to pull my hair out and knowing her possibilities if she ever truly gets who You are keeps me up at night marveling at what she could be one day. She has more influence and charisma and talent and beauty than is really fair for one small girl. But she has no one to believe in her. And so she tosses it to the side, throws it in some dark corner of her closet because really no one thinks she is good enough anyway right? That is what she hears from the people who are supposed to be her biggest fans. But i believe in her daddy. And i know you do. So, what can i do for her? I try to love on her. I try to give her special attention. I try to make myself available. I try to encourage her. But is it going to be enough. Because at the end of the day is it going to be my words ringing in her ears or the voices of jealousy and disbelief and indifference? I don't know. I wish i could see a year from now and see who she will be when she graduates. Will anything i did have made any difference or will the cool kids and family and guys have left the biggest mark on her? Please God change her heart radically becauses really i am helpless. I can love her and pray for her but any real change will ultimately have to come from You. I am begging you on her behalf. Change her heart in a huge way. Please God, i love her so much.

P.S.

Hey dad,
I need you.
Love, Me

Control Freak.

*sigh* God, this is the thing i struggle with the most. I never thought it was a problem before, but then You started getting all in my personal space and i began to notice a whole lot more. I have been doing a lot better letting go of things and leaving them min Your hands where they belong, but some days it is still hard. It is little things that i just want to grab onto and not let go of. But i know You are all good and You have already planned my life step by step. And i know this time i am in now is not only important, but crucial. I have been learning do much and growing so much. And Jordan has too. It has been so amazing being able to see the growth in him. I know You are busy working in his life as well as mine. I feel a little down lately though so I am going to need you even more. Thank you for this time even though i am confused and unsure. I hope in You. You are my only hope, my only source of strength, my everything.

Um, Help?

I am a little lost as to which direction to take God. Um help?

Process.

I still have fits of jealousy come over me sometimes God. And the are usually at the most ridiculous times. I get jealous or selfish about things that are so tiny and insignificant and so i know that it is only satan trying to lure me to him. But he wont win God. Because lately everytime i sense his presence I become even more aware of Yours. You have never left me alone with him, afraid and defenseless. I will just have to read some more about what You have to say about jealousy and set my mind to pray as my first defense. See what he thinks about that. We make a good team huh? :)

A Good Steward.

I have some materialistic requests today God. I am not asking that you fix them if it is against your will, only that you continue to help me become wiser in managing my money. My internet bill is going up unexpectedly and please help me to be able to stick to my budget even if it means having to sacrifice a little. Also, if there is any way i can find them money to pay off this loan God please please please provide that. I do not want to be in any debt now or ever. I am willing to work hard and sacrifice to achieve that but my job now makes paying even a little on it practically impossible. But Abba, Father i know all things are possible for you. Please send me a way to clear this debt from my name.

More Help Please.

My feelings still get hurt too easily by him. If it is any way pleasing to You, God could you please help me not to be so hurt by little things that he does or doesnt do or say like not hugging me or paying more attention to other girls and not me or not walking me to my car. So much was taken for granted before. I don't want to let hurt feelings destroy such a great friendship and that do nothing good for us. Please help.

Dear Ones.

It is so hard to see friends hurting God. Jordan is going through such a tough time right now and i want so much to be able to take all of his hurt from him and carry it myself. It breaks my heart to see him so weak and sad. His passion, and joy, and playful bouncy, bouncy personality is gone. He is so much more reserved now. I long to comfort him, but i am so unable. However i am glad i am unable Daddy because my inability means you are more than able to comfort him and do a far better job. I will continue to do the only thing i am able to do and that is lift him up to You daily, hourly if that is what it takes. Please show him his passions over and over again Dad. Wave them in front of his face and wake him up. Help him remember where his passions came from and how much You have ready for him. All he needs is to be willing. Please Daddy, I love him dearly. Do what i can't do for him. And show me what i am able to do for him.

Encouragement.

You aent me encouragement when i needed it. How could i ever doubt that you are there? First you sent Mario to encourage me with his loving words and then you sent me the most beautiful passage in your love letter tonight. I was waiting on friends to arrive so we could swim tonight and i flipped to colossians and read this: "And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delievered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:9-14. I have been needing extra encouragement lately so thank you. I forget to thank you when you answer my prayers or show me extra love. Hopefully writing here will help me to remember better like my other blog has helped me to be more thankful. So, i don't want to ruin this blog with requests i just wanted to thank my Daddy for being such a loving Father.

Hurt.

Today was awful. I feel like i am being stretched to a breaking point. I don't feel any stronger or wiser from all of this i feel like i am about to snap. Why God? I know you are probably so sick of that question, but why? I am trying so hard and all of my efforts fall short. No matter how nice or polite or helpful i try to be to Jordan hurt simmers underneath the surface and always shows up. We can get along for a few hours or in a big enough group, but we aren't friends or even close. We are two people who were so close and now are what? I don't know. He knows me too much now. As a boyfriend i wanted him to know everything, now all of the things he knows makes me cringe. I feel exposed. He knows too much about me for someone who i can't seem to even be friends with. Everything is so simple for him. Friends in public, closer with just the two of us. I am so confused as to what i am to him. I hate all of this. I am torn between keeping on like this and wondering if maybe having no communication would be better for us. The problem is i am the one who couldn't take it before.he seemed fine not talking, i am the one who was in tears after a week. How am i going to be able to leave him? It is hard being aorund him but so much harder never seeing him at all. I wish i could understand the purpose of all of this. Even just a little. I'm glad you know where all of this is going because i can't even understand today.

Thanks You.

So today was awesome. Jordan, Hannah, Pat, and I all hung out. I was a little hesitant at first, but i am so glad i went. We went shootin', then ate dinner at Pizzza Hut, then walked down the train tracks. Seriously, Daddy I am hard pressed to think of a way you could have made today better. Also I think today was progress for Jordan and I and us working on our friendship. He gave me a really sweet hug, promised to call melater, and sent me a really kind text on the way home. Thanks for tonight, really.

Oh Daddy, what am I supposed to do about all of this? I feel quite sure living with Kirk for a while is right. I feel like i have been preparing for this for a long time and i wasn't even aware i was being prepared for anything. I feel like Kirk needs me right now though. So I think despite all of the selfish desires within me I am going to have to put my life and wantd on hold for a while and be with my brother. It breaks my heart to think of leaving my church and friends, especially Jordan. I love him so much and we haven't been apart for more than a woeek for the last 2 years. I know he might very well be leaving in the fall as well, but it is still hard to leave him. I am still sure of him although i know that us not being a couple right now is right and the best thing for us, i feel very much in my heart that is is the man God chose long ago for me to marry. But all in God's time. Right now i think Kirk is my focus. So, i will keep lifting this up to You and I am going to ask some very dear friends to lift this up to You as well Daddy so when you get those prayers know that i warned You ahead of time :D Anyway I think i will go now. I will talk to you soon.

Now What.

I feel so torn most of the time lately God. Part of me wants to leave and try again somewhere else. But the other part of me doesn't feel completely okay with that. And of course my heart pitches a fit at the thought of leaving behind Jordan. What do you want me to do? I know that him and I need to learn again how to be friends. We once were the best of friends. Before we became more and even after we were dating he remained my best friend. But somewhere in the last few months that changed. I still want him to be my best friend, but i need a lot of help with that. There are a lot of hurt feelings and pride in the way. It hurts to look at him and i know apart from you even a chance at us being best friends again is impossible. I still don't understand all of this Lord, but this i know: You are worthy of praise through the good and through this. Even pain is a reason to turn around and praise you and so since i have no idea of what else to do, i will worship in the meantime. And wait.

A Whole Bunch.

Dad, i have a lot on my mind right now so i hope you don't mind the rambling.
First of all, i am having a really, really, really hard time dealing with jealousy and selfishness right now. When they come up i try to find something else to think about. I listen to worship music or read my Bible, but sometimes they are so intense all i can do is cry. I need you more than before.
Also, i have been missing Jordan more lately. Especially the nights he doesn't call. I always seem to wake up sometime during the night and i see that he didn't call and i fall asleep sad. Which makes me dream sad things and so i wake up sad. But reading the Psalms today helped a little. I have never been able to understand them or relate to them as i can now.
Talking to Kirk yesterday made me sad too. I remember when our family had a worship and and how much music made him glow. It is such a huge passion of his. Even yesterday when i asked he what he liked to do most and he said if he could do anything he would travel and play music his whole life. It made me think of Jordan and his dream. The 2 guys i love the most share a dream.
And also i got offered a promotion of sorts today. it has good points and bad points. Should i take it? I only want to accept it if it is your will. So please reveal to me whether i should take it or not.
Kayla needs you a lot right now God. Her parents are smothering her i think and she is so sad and lonely. WIll you give her a hug for me until i can see her again?
Jessica w. is very sad also. I am not sure what is going on in her life. I don't know her very well and last night was the first time i have even seen her in months.
Jordan is in need of your wisdom daddy. He longs to know your will for him. He is so willing to follow it even when the cost is great. I hope i can be even a little more like him someday. He is the most compassionate guy i have ever known and i love him very much. Will you please show him the next step you have for him?
I think i am starting to ramble now so i will write more later. I know you have already taken care of everything i asked. So thank you for that. Thank you for giving me chance after chance. I love you.

Brother.

Daddy my heart is hurting right now. I talked to Kirk a few minutes ago. He is so far from you Dad. Never a word of you comes from him only worldy things. And it makes me sad. He wants me to live with him daddy and part of me wants to. I could get a better job, save money, go to school for free, be with him...but then i would be far from Jordan. And i know i can't draw my life around his. We are bound to part ways eventually maybe even for good and this seems like such a perfect opportunity. But as much as i try to talk myself into leaving my heart cries at the thought of be seperated from Jordan. Even the thought of leaving makes me heart dig it's claws in. Nothing depresses more than the thought of being far from him. And so i am torn. Torn between the great opportunity and my love for this guy who doesn't want me. I am so confused. What do you want daddy? That is the only thing that really matters to me. Where do you want me? And if i am not meant for him why this ridiculous feelings of certainty and committment? I am begging you to reveal your will to me.

Sleepless in Dalton.

God, i know that you already know this, but could you please quiet my dreams. My dreams are either strange and confusing or scary. I don't remember the last time i had a happy dream. It must have been years ago. My job already makes sleep scarce and these dreams ruin the little sleep i manage to get. Please help to calm my mind so i can rest.

Angel.

I am going to be working with Angel this afternoon so i want to pray specifically for her.


God, I don't seem to be making much progress with Angel except that she likes me now instead of hating me. But i guess that is important because You are the one doing all of the working anyway i just get to watch and allow myself to be used as needed. I am always at a loss at what to pray about for lost people, but maybe that is because salvation is a good thing to start praying about for them. Please soften Angel's heart God. She has let it become so tough over the years u think because of pain but hardness and strength aren't the same thing. Please give her a soft heart toward You. She burdens my heart more than anyone else that I work with. Use me as You see fit.

Callie

First.

After much debate I have decided another blog is neccessary. I do not want to mix purposes of blogs. This blog is going to be my ongoing, online prayer blog. I have been encouraged my several people to keep a prayer journal and i have tried several times unsuccessfully. But since this one is online and i have done so well with my other blogs i am hgping this time will be different. This one will also be a daily blog. So my petition today is for my newest and one of my most precious friends Kayla.

Daddy the last few times i have talked to Kayla she has been sad. I want to ask on her behalf that you give her extra love right now. She has seriously been one of the most encouraging people in my life lately and I try to do the same but fall so short. I know that you can do so much more than I can and so i ask that you show her extra love and grace. I ask that you whisper I Love You's in her eay daily. I ask that you empower her to fulfill all that You ask of her even on the days when she feels she has nothing to give. Thank you for bringing her into my life.

In Your Name,
Callie